Easter - Mentions in my Old Emails

To My Son, as a reminder at school:

"This is DAD! Please fill out agenda. Bring home all homework and uncompleted assignments. Capture Easter Bunny and put on key chain. Lucky rabbit's foot-Good...Lucky Rabbit... Great, awkward, but Great.

DAD
Designated Driver for Golf Team"

To My Brother and his Family - Easter 2005

Howdy Murdock’s,
The commercialization of yet another great and valued celebration, overshadows the true and pure reason we hold Easter dear to our hearts. The first true long weekend authorized and condoned by our government. As we take time to reflect, we should not forget the greatest sacrifice of all, overtime work by dear chocolate makers.

Anyone notice that white-chocolate bunnies are somewhat outnumbered by the bunnies of colour. And why eggs? I think I’d be more impressed with Easter watermelons. That last comment has nothing has nothing to do with the bunnies of colour, just size... of eggs, I mean!!! But then again, eggs lead to chicken, and chocolate chickens is just weird, and not my idea.

Has anyone ever seen a chocolate Jesus? I figure, it’s his party. The least we could do is make a chocolate Jesus. A big one. A big, chocolate, Jesus. They probably wouldn’t sell very well, especially in the south, like in Georgia or Alabama. Not because of local chocolate intolerance. I was thinking about the general lack of good oral hygiene, or, more bluntly, the general lack of actual teeth. And you would probably never get a redneck to suck on a big chocolate Jesus. A chocolate pig, maybe. A chocolate Ned Beaty, definitely! Jesus . . . and Deliverance? And watch out this long weekend. Don’t ever take a canoe trip, during Easter, anywhere in the southern US where banjos are legal.

Anyway, hope you all have a great Easter! Eat lots of chocolate, and other stuff, such as ham and chocolate, with potatoes and chocolate. And eat leafy green salad, in honour of bunnies everywhere.

We must remember Jesus’ words as he was fastened to the cross. “Hey, Hey, Hey! Those are nails! Stop that! Ow! That really hurts! Stop! I don’t have my tetanus shots up to date!
Crap! You missed, you stupid,stupid, Roman goon. I think you broke my hand! You broke my frigging hand! Wait til’ my Dad hears about this!

Okay! Okay! Tell you what. I’ll give back the fish and bread! And... I’ll admit, I wasn’t so much walking on water, as it was skiing behind the boat. Would you believe it was winter, and it was really just a shallow little fish pond? You see, I had all this wine and well, you know what they say,"what do you do with the drunken sailors?", right? I was having fun with them.
C’mon pal. I’ll get you into Heaven free!
How about a nice goat? I have a cousin, John, and he has this herd of goats! A nice herd! He’ll even wash one up for you, maybe put a frilly little dress on it, a little rouge . . . Ow! Jesus! Christ, I just took my own name in vain!
Remember, do as I say not as I do!
Look. I’m sorry. I always mix up Romans and Greeks. I didn’t mean anything with the goat! Will you stop with the nails already?!
If I ever get out this thing, there will be Hell to pay!”

Dennis O:-) Offender of the Gods
Melody, Tolerator of the Dennis
Drew Son of Dad
Kawai Nikkou (Japanese for "Amanda Elena") Murdock
Sarah Power Player
Bluey the Beta fish The One Finned Wonder Fish

Responding to an Invite:

Tiffany wrote:

Are you coming for Easter dinner on the Saturday before Easter Sunday(don't know the date)? RSVP's required. ha ha.

Tiff

-Answer-

Yes Please!!!! Will there be bunnies?

Dennis et All

What Grade 6 Science Students Are Saying About Uranus!

• Uranus is sideways. Which makes it unique unless you are looking at Uranus when laying down in bed.

• Uranus is really blue because of it's methane.

• Uranus has gas. In fact, Uranus is constantly expelling methane, and producing more to make up for it. Uranus probably smells a lot like methane. This gas make Uranus very flammable. You should not smoke on Uranus, because you might burn Uranus.

• Uranus has rings around it. Someone counted the rings of Uranus and said it had three. It was in all the papers.

• Uranus is the only planet called by a Greek name. It was named after a Greek god and men were very afraid of him, and probably some sheep too.

• Uranus is 51,118 km in diameter. Uranus is huge!

• A day on Uranus is a few hours shorter than a day on Earth. Time flies when you are spending time on Uranus.

• Uranus likely has a rocky core, and has been struck with asteroids. Uranus had no preparation for the asteroids.

• Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus on March 13, 1781, before you were even born.

How to your hands on papers for Uranus.

http://www.space.com/spacewatch/surprise_planets_021007.html

Diets to Die For!

Diets aren't all they crack up to be, especially when celebrities and the like are involved. It's basically a numbers game. Calories in, calories out, or you go up or down depending on the imbalance. I decided to look at some of the pros and cons of diets the Hollywood Types follow and endorse.



The Drop Dead Gorgeous Diet (aka. Anna N Smith) Famous weight loser and TrimSpa fanatic and dead rich, not rich, rich person who, according to recent fake pictures, actually used Slim Fast as her foodlessness drink of choice. TrimSpa claimed this would be a violation of her contact and legal action would ensue if true. They would seek damages in the amount of half a billion and possession of Anna's new TrimSpa baby. The diet apparently goes like this. Take can of TrimSpa, chuck it in the garbage, take a can of Slim Fast and mix with methadone and a touch of booze. She did this because, apparently, most weight loss drinks contain little to no methadone or alcohol. She lost 60 lbs.and several million brain cells on this diet. She's no quitter. Her goal now is to take off the rest of pounds on her new Deep Six Diet.




Lance Armstrong's Plastic Testicle and EPO Diet.
Nuttin' better than hormones to take the edge off hard training for the Tour de Farce. Always the consummate athlete, Lance uses only the best vitamins and supplements and, of course, rare naturally occurring synthetic injectables, harvested from the dankest, darkest recesses of sports laboratories from around the world. Since his retirement Lance has changed over to a maintenance program entitled The Back Peddling Diet.






Kirstie Alley's - "I Ate Jenny Craig" Diet. First she ate Shelly Long, not much meat there. As the years went bye-bye Kirstie ran into trouble with love and food. She loves... food. Eventually she was engaged to sponsor, for money, the Jenny Craig empire. All the frozen sawdust dinners you can eat and, finally, a new show on television...30 seconds at a time... commercials.
More to follow...

February Hannibal Lecter Special - 5% Off All Bodies!

The challenge was issued. The participants are hungry for a win. 5% of current body weight by the end of February. Let the fast begin! Let the fats lessen!
I'll try to impart some info, to all interested, on the various elements of what the Roman's called "tubbius reductionus".
Later!