If Jesus Had a Pizza Restaurant...

☺What name could he chose. Look at the success of St. Hubert, patron saint of chicken and dipping sauce. Certainly there would room in the marketplace for a little competition. Besides, if JC plans it right he could offer to save you more than money!
Here's a few names I come up with, but none of these sounds right. What do you think?

☼ "Jesus' Pizza" ☼ "God's Grub" ☼ "Christ, That's Good" ☼ "Lord's Fixings" ☼ 

☼ "House of God - Pizza & Wings" ☼ "Holy Pizza!" ☼

☺Menu items might look like this if he was to take advantage of his celebrity. I don't think there are stories regarding his prowess in the kitchen. I really think he was a BBQ kind of guy. On Sundays he makes his special Lazarus Bread, get there early enough you can watch it rise up.

We use unleavened dough in all our pizzas!
Gentile menu available!

☼ The Chosen Peoples Pizza - Made with smoked meat, deviled eggs, gefilte fish, pastrami,  with goat cheese fresh from the goat.
☼ Lucifer's Punishment 

         - EXTRA Flaming Hot Angel Wings!
☼ Gabriel Lite Archangel Wings 

          - with Special Anointing Sauce.
☼ Rack of Lamb of God.
☼ Juicy Speared Ribs
☼ Angel hair pasta -made from the hair of real angels.

Dipping Sauces                                                                

☼ BBQ ☼ Hot ☼ Christ that's really Hot  ☼  

☼  Hot as Hell ☼ God damn it to HELL HOT!!!! ☼
☼ Apocalyptic ☼

Sides

☼ Caesar Salad with Real Bits of Caesar ☼
 ☼ Garden of Eden Green Salad ** apple free ☼
☼ Holy garlic bread ** gothes must show ID ☼
☼ All you can eat Manna ☼

   Desserts                                                

  All are fat and sin free!                                   

☼ Hot crossed buns ☼ Devils food cake ☼ Angels Food Cake ☼                                                          

 

      Drinks                                                          

☼ JC's Wine Eternal - JC's own special label. Just keep adding water to the bottle. ☼

                                ☼ Free holy water ☼ Pontius Pilot Punch ☼

☺You Might Overhear...

• “Is that pick-up or would you like it delivered onto thee?”
• “Would you like wine with that? No. You say that last bottle was a tad watery."
• "Yes. Delivery is 30 Minutes or salvation is free.”
• “Yep! We do kosher.”
• “I'm deeply sorry for that. I'll double the garlic bread and say 3 Hail Marys.
• 'I'll let my son talk to you. Jesus! Jesus Christ, will you get up to the front right now!

☺Health and safety could be a concern!

• Does Jesus wear a hair net? And a beard net?
• Hires and underpays minorities such as Samaritans and Lepers.
• Signs are not multilingual. Should have French, English, Arabic, Hebrew, and Aramaic.
• Health violations - frogs, blood in water, lice, flies, sick donkeys, boils, sick donkeys with boils, locust, serpents, poor lighting, demons, Roman soldiers...

☺Testimonials...

• "Jesus pizza is a wise choice for all your party needs!"  ~ King Salomon

• "Pizza that's, unfortunately, good for your soul!"  ~ Lucifer

• "If I knew it was this good, I never had quit the group or turned him in!"  ~ Judas Iscariot

ʘ‿ʘ                        

Easter - Mentions in my Old Emails

To My Son, as a reminder at school:

"This is DAD! Please fill out agenda. Bring home all homework and uncompleted assignments. Capture Easter Bunny and put on key chain. Lucky rabbit's foot-Good...Lucky Rabbit... Great, awkward, but Great.

DAD
Designated Driver for Golf Team"

To My Brother and his Family - Easter 2005

Howdy Murdock’s,
The commercialization of yet another great and valued celebration, overshadows the true and pure reason we hold Easter dear to our hearts. The first true long weekend authorized and condoned by our government. As we take time to reflect, we should not forget the greatest sacrifice of all, overtime work by dear chocolate makers.

Anyone notice that white-chocolate bunnies are somewhat outnumbered by the bunnies of colour. And why eggs? I think I’d be more impressed with Easter watermelons. That last comment has nothing has nothing to do with the bunnies of colour, just size... of eggs, I mean!!! But then again, eggs lead to chicken, and chocolate chickens is just weird, and not my idea.

Has anyone ever seen a chocolate Jesus? I figure, it’s his party. The least we could do is make a chocolate Jesus. A big one. A big, chocolate, Jesus. They probably wouldn’t sell very well, especially in the south, like in Georgia or Alabama. Not because of local chocolate intolerance. I was thinking about the general lack of good oral hygiene, or, more bluntly, the general lack of actual teeth. And you would probably never get a redneck to suck on a big chocolate Jesus. A chocolate pig, maybe. A chocolate Ned Beaty, definitely! Jesus . . . and Deliverance? And watch out this long weekend. Don’t ever take a canoe trip, during Easter, anywhere in the southern US where banjos are legal.

Anyway, hope you all have a great Easter! Eat lots of chocolate, and other stuff, such as ham and chocolate, with potatoes and chocolate. And eat leafy green salad, in honour of bunnies everywhere.

We must remember Jesus’ words as he was fastened to the cross. “Hey, Hey, Hey! Those are nails! Stop that! Ow! That really hurts! Stop! I don’t have my tetanus shots up to date!
Crap! You missed, you stupid,stupid, Roman goon. I think you broke my hand! You broke my frigging hand! Wait til’ my Dad hears about this!

Okay! Okay! Tell you what. I’ll give back the fish and bread! And... I’ll admit, I wasn’t so much walking on water, as it was skiing behind the boat. Would you believe it was winter, and it was really just a shallow little fish pond? You see, I had all this wine and well, you know what they say,"what do you do with the drunken sailors?", right? I was having fun with them.
C’mon pal. I’ll get you into Heaven free!
How about a nice goat? I have a cousin, John, and he has this herd of goats! A nice herd! He’ll even wash one up for you, maybe put a frilly little dress on it, a little rouge . . . Ow! Jesus! Christ, I just took my own name in vain!
Remember, do as I say not as I do!
Look. I’m sorry. I always mix up Romans and Greeks. I didn’t mean anything with the goat! Will you stop with the nails already?!
If I ever get out this thing, there will be Hell to pay!”

Dennis O:-) Offender of the Gods
Melody, Tolerator of the Dennis
Drew Son of Dad
Kawai Nikkou (Japanese for "Amanda Elena") Murdock
Sarah Power Player
Bluey the Beta fish The One Finned Wonder Fish

Responding to an Invite:

Tiffany wrote:

Are you coming for Easter dinner on the Saturday before Easter Sunday(don't know the date)? RSVP's required. ha ha.

Tiff

-Answer-

Yes Please!!!! Will there be bunnies?

Dennis et All