One day I posted a quote by Voltaire, who was a prolific writer, a poet, a philosopher, and a nom de plumer kind of guy from the 18th century. I have read much of his work... some of his work... a couple quotes attributed to him. I consider this dead man, and you can quote me on this, to not only be quotable, but a dead French man as well. French like France French, not like Canada French. For that matter not like Bulgarian French, Cambodian French, Cape Verdeans French, Dominican French, Egyptian French, Equatorial Guinean French, Guinea-Bissauian French, Laotian French, Lebanese French, Moroccan French, Mauritanian French, Mauritanian French, Moldavian French, Romanian French, Saint-Lucian French, Sao-Tomé et Principenean French, Tunisian French, nor Vietnamese French. That is to say, Voltaire was born in France.
ZeeQuote
Don't let the PERFECT be the enemy of the GOOD. ~ Voltarie
My cuz Diana sent the following comment about the quoted quote which I quoteded..eded...did:
Diana:"That's good but not perfect!! ;0)"
Diana has a talent for striking my medial epicondyle of the humerus. This causes instantaneous babbling in me, as well as some riveting River Dancing, whilst I mutter "old duck" or something like that.
Dennis:That's a perfectly “good” comment! This is to say, the “comment" was not "perfect", it was "good". “Good" by itself is always "perfect", hence "perfectly good".
"Perfect" is "good", but not great, as it does not allow for less than "perfect" nor more than "perfect". "Good" can always get better however "perfect" cannot get better. "More perfect" would simply mean "perfect". Therefore that "whatever" was misrepresented as "perfect" when it was actually only "good" before.
"Perfect" is like 100%. There is no "good" valid use of anything like 110% or 737%, as numeric grammar does not allow for anything more than 100%, which is essence "1 "or "perfection".
"Good" news, numeracy does allow for factors.
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I think a better name than "Richter Scale" would be the “Ricky Scale". We can use Lucy heads to indicate how annoying the quake is.
Find shelter inside some sort of large tank... the army type would be best. Living in a tent in the middle of an empty field would work to. Don't forget your lighting rod.
Quickly don your big yellow "All Purpose Emergency Nerf Safety Suit" when an event is imminent.
Animals are often the first to sense earthquake activity, so look to your pet or cat dog. If your pet is shaking a lot and walking in a jittery fashion, then they are saying to you “It's an earthquake, stupid human!”
Another way to tell if an earthquake is occurring is to stand outside near a large building. Getting hit on the head by a falling brick or an iron girder is a certain sign of a quake.
Get a really really big safe deposit box, preferably with a washroom built in.
Buy some cheap hairspray to laminate your entire house.
Pyramids seem to be reasonably earthquake safe places to live in. I let my mommy hide there too.
Buy a bunch of those aeroplane "black boxes" and build a home out of them.
Advantage- An indestructible home.
Disadvantage - No one will ever be able to locate you.
Have a stick of deodorant handy. We have all heard the stories of stinking, rotting, decaying corpses. It would be nice to find an "Old Spicey” scented, rotting, decaying corpse once in awhile.
A message from @MaDuke says “it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be but the illuminati is trying to make an earthquake go off in nyc sometime soon. they hit ottawa, candana yesterday and nuccas in west new york, cinncinati, maine, idaho, toronato felt that shit.” This guy is connected!
It's a good idea to have emergency supplies on hand such as adult diapers, energy bars, water, matches, and flashlights. When the batteries die, you can burn those flashlights. The fire can be used warm up the energy bars or boil water or cook up your stupid dog that apparently doesn't know what an earthquake is.
A concerned friend asked me about treating a case of cross-species baldness of a Wombat.
It a sad day when a wombat is so distressed that it loses it hair, grows long sharp claws, and rips out the throat of a veterinary assistant.
Why did she ask me?No. Really! Why me?
Anyhooo, after delving into research on veterinary medicine for what seemed minutes, I believe I have found something that just might work!
The fix is to use is Kraft Vegemite. Made from yeast extract (by-product of BEER making) it can be used as a bread spread, a dip, a industrial lubricant, protection from solar flares, elephant repellent, Wallaby bait, and hair restoration for distressed Wombats.
IMPORTANT - Use a directed.
Side effects include: Psychosis, visual and tactile hallucinations, maycause Jerkins Glycemia (a condition where the eyelids, nose and lips slowly slide off ones face), numbing of brain tissue, belly-button inversion, naughty shedding of garments on web cams, licorice addiction, and toaster speed racing.
I hope this helps. Feel free to ask questions regarding anything! I will be glad to research as much inappropriate information that I can find in five minutes or less. I am professional if I'm anything.
"It's early evening. Everyone has seated themselves in the smaller of the two assembly halls at the rec center. One-by-one, someone voluntarily stands up and moves to the front of the planted group. They walk over to the microphone snaking out of an old wooden dias with a grain that had once a smoothly varnished finish, but now, features a full compliment of hand-carved initials within hearts, left there by youthful love struck vandals. Each person announce their name, state their challenge, and wait briefly to receive an acknowledgement from the audience. Then, it's my turn. I do the walk, and position myself under the warming lamp thats hangs low enough to do so. I speak in the mike.
"Hi! My name is Dennis, and I'm a baldy.... not completely though! Compared to most of you guys, I'm freaking Repunzel! I feel like I'm talking to room full of bowling balls with eyes! I bet your kids try to paint your heads on Easter."
Exit, left.
There are many reasons for thinning hair or hair loss, aside from medical conditions and from medicines that can cause hair loss and, yes, there is such a thing as “female pattern baldness”, but..., I'd rather talk about myself.
I am one of the many men who are “follically challenged”. Most of us eventually accept Mother Nature's wrath, with all it's cruel and cold manner (I wear a hat, especially in the winter) and her silly genetic coding delivered by Mr. Heredity. I did not ask, and most would not, for my hair to abandon my once hirsute head.
So you start to drop some hair, here and there, now and then, and then one day someone mentions that your shiny spot is getting bigger. BIGGER!!!! Well, what are you gonna' do... besides panic, do a comb-over, cut your hair short, buy that spray-on hair-paint from Ron Popeil, start rubbing hot radishes or onions on your thinning scalp, have a cow lick your head, rub dry bees on your head. Concoctions, including one that consisted of toes of a dog, the refuse of dates, and a hoof of an ass (not my ass), was once used by Egyptian royalty. All these were considered cures for baldness at one time.
Baldness is even mentioned in the Christian bible (Kings 2: 23) where a bald man was mocked and chased by a large group of youths. According to the story, the baldy stopped and turned to deliver the youth a curse in the name of God, after which two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the misguided youngsters. The bald man ran back to the injured youth and stole any scalps pieces that the bears had torn off, placed them on his head and ran around the village shouting at top of his lungs, “Look at me, look at me! I have hair! I'm so very pretty”. This leads me to believe that there may have been other reasons he was chased out-of-town, being it was a Christian town and all. And you can check out Leviticus also. It says something about men in any state of baldness are all "pure men"!
My Less Than True Explanations for My Balding.
I just learnt that Nair is not a good shampoo.
My wife secretly yanks follicles out of my head while I sleep. Revenge for my snoring, no doubt!
Stress!!! It drives up blood pressure. High blood pressure pushes out the hair follicles from your scalp and leaves you as an embarrassed corpse with a bad toupee, after your massive stroke!
My brain is still growing, and it's starting to push out my hair making space for it's enormity.
I touch myself, OK! It's supposed to be a perfectly normal and healthy activity, and it's great for developing an awesome grip.
How I Explain the Recession.
I am losing my hair so gradually, that everyone will eventually notice.
I have been donating my follicles to cancer patients and hairless Chihuahuas.
I haven't lost my hair, it has simply migrated south.... via my back... to my ass. Do you know how hard it is to comb your back hair, let alone your ass hair!
My hair loss is because I, in particular produce way-way-way too much of the male sex hormone which causes side effects such as hair loss and extreme super sexual stamina.
I joined The Hairless Club for men! Not only am I a member, I'm also the president, secretary, and that weird guy who fetches coffee and doughnuts.
I used a Binford B8000 hair dryer, with 8000 energy sucking watts of scalp scorching heat delivered by a twin-turbine turbo aviation grade induction fan, capable of delivering over 600 knots of super heated hair drying. That would have the blow power equivalent to Katrini times a factor 3... in Hell... on a hot day.
Happiness is: Readers "Clicking" on a few of my sponsor ads. Eventually I will need a new keyboard or a surgery for tunnel carpal, and possibly more frequent visits with my therapist!
My best guess regarding these tricky animal viruses. Zoonoses has nothing to do animal noses, but has everything to do with viruses that cross from animal to mankind and womankind.
The Swine Flew!(Who knew pigs flu?) aka. Piggy flu, Porcine Bug, Porky Piggyitus, Bad Back Bacon Cold.
Avian Influenza -It's for the birds. See Alfred Hitchcock.
Vampirism – The biting flu. General consensus is that this virus sucks. Makes skin very sensitive to sunlight, and you can develop severe allergic reaction to garlic bread and wooden stakes.
Bartonellosis (Cat Scratch Fever) is an infectious disease produced by bacteria of the genus Bart Simpson. Causes bad kids to scratch good cats.
Werewolf Disease – Furry face disease, aka. The Gillette Razor Challenge Disease. aka The Robin Williams disease.
Hanta-Virus – Viruses from houses that have ghosts. Also available in mouse poop and mouse urine flavours.
Lassa Fever – Opposite of firsta fever. Nobody likes to be Lassa, even viruses.
Herpes B Virus – The 80% virus. should have studied harder to get an “A”.
Q Fever – A futuristic, omnipotent virus first encountered in the Alpha quadrant.
Cowpox – Like chicken pox, only bigger, without the feathers and beaks. Got it's name from dairymaids touching the udders of infected cows. You get red blisters and it is transmitted by touch from infected animals to humans. This is the cool part- When it is gone, the person is immune to smallpox. Really!
Sodoku – not to be confused with Sudoku fever or Saturday Night Fever.
West Nile Virus – is there an East Nile virus? Why Not?
Psittacosis- aka. parrot disease, parrot fever. Makes you crave for crackers and pirates.
Rabies- Do not animals bite you. Do not bite other animals, no matter how delicious... they... look!
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to laminate your entire house. 
and build a home out of them. 
” scented, rotting, decaying corpse once in awhile.
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