Earthquake Thoughts

• I think a better name than "Richter Scale"  would be the “Ricky Scale". We can use Lucy heads to indicate how annoying the quake is.

• Find shelter inside some sort of large tank... the army type would be best. Living in a tent in the middle of an empty field would work to. Don't forget your lighting rod.

• Quickly don your big yellow "All Purpose Emergency Nerf Safety Suit" when an event is imminent.

• Animals are often the first to sense earthquake activity, so look to your pet or cat dog. If your pet is shaking a lot and walking in a jittery fashion, then they are saying to you “It's an earthquake, stupid human!”

• Another way to tell if an earthquake is occurring is to stand outside near a large building. Getting hit on the head by a falling brick or an iron girder is a certain sign of a quake.

• Get a really really big safe deposit box, preferably with a washroom built in.

• Buy some cheap hairspray to laminate your entire house.

• Pyramids seem to be reasonably earthquake safe places to live in. I let my mommy hide there too.

• Buy a bunch of those aeroplane "black boxes" and build a home out of them. 

• Advantage- An indestructible home. 
• Disadvantage - No one will ever be able to locate you. 

• Have a stick of deodorant handy. We have all heard the stories of stinking, rotting, decaying corpses. It would be nice to find an "Old Spicey” scented, rotting, decaying corpse once in awhile.

• A message from @MaDuke says “it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be but the illuminati is trying to make an earthquake go off in nyc sometime soon. they hit ottawa, candana yesterday and nuccas in west new york, cinncinati, maine, idaho, toronato felt that shit.” This guy is connected!

• It's a good idea to have emergency supplies on hand such as adult diapers, energy bars, water, matches, and flashlights. When the batteries die, you can burn those flashlights. The fire can be used warm up the energy bars or boil water or cook up your stupid dog that apparently doesn't know what an earthquake is.