Signs The Doctor Giving You a Flu Shot is a Quack

• Places a tourniquet around your neck so he can "raise a good vein."
• Tries to inject vaccine using a tattoo needle. Realizing his error, he offers you a belly button piercing at half-price. 
• He rolls up your sleeve—and pulls down your pants. 
• Asks if you are allergic to eggs or deep, sensual, massages. 
• Insists on hooking up defibrillator before proceeding 
• Takes a selfie while the needle is in your arm. 
• Offers you a propofol drip before giving you the flu shot. 
• Sticks you with the needle and surprisingly remarks "Whoa! Your arm has a real bone in it!" 
• Sterilizes your arm by taking a swig of vodka and licking your shoulder clean. 
• Insists you wear a shower cap, sit behind a curtain, and call him "Mother!" 
• Lays a pistol on the desk and says "Just in case something goes horribly wrong." 
• Has difficulty pronouncing your name without slurring and giggling. 
• Instead of warning, "You're gonna feel a little prick," he asks you to reach into his pocket and check for loose change.

Reasons Opposition Leaders Dislike Harper

Politicians make the best fiends... friends!


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How to Win Gambling Without Gambling at the Slots - Part 1

Follow these five simple steps and you to can partially recover some money that otherwise would be wasted on a slot machine!

.

1. I give you PayPal account

2. You give me your PayPal account.

3. You take the amount of money you spend at the slots each week, and deposit it in my PayPal account.

4. Every two or three weeks, I will deposit up to half of what you deposited in my account, back into your PayPal account.

5. Repeat.

I'm happy because I'm supplying a service to the gambling public. You are somewhat happy because you actually get some money back.

Another way to win at gambling without gambling on slots, don't gamble.

You are 100% ahead when you keep your money away from those strangers at casinos. Honestly, do you really feel good if someone you don't even know, gets happy and wealthy off your money? If you have to do something with that cash that involves strangers, buy a homeless guy a meal, or a car, or even better, a house and solve one homeless problem, or see above and ask for my PayPal account.

Other things you could gamble with might include paying for you kids or grand kids education, or see above and ask for my PayPal account. You could take a trip to Japan or China or Hong Kong, or see above and ask for my PayPal account. Actually, I wouldn't mind seeing Japan or China or Hong Kong.

Gambling is a distraction for most people more than anything else. "Slots" are merciless and cold and actual machines. They are not possessed by magic entities that you either piss off resulting in losses, or that you please and they reward you by dropping a pittance in your complimentary coin cup. Many people playing slots think that the machines run hot and cold, or that they improve their chances of winning by sticking with a machine, or that tiny trinkets rubbed on the screen of the machine will evoke the gods of dinaros to consider paying out. Personally, I think tripping and banging your head on a machine will get you the best return, after the casino insurance pays up.

Good plan, eh!

ps. Click an ad on this page so I can get a penny for my thoughts! Thanx!

Easter - Mentions in my Old Emails

To My Son, as a reminder at school:

"This is DAD! Please fill out agenda. Bring home all homework and uncompleted assignments. Capture Easter Bunny and put on key chain. Lucky rabbit's foot-Good...Lucky Rabbit... Great, awkward, but Great.

DAD
Designated Driver for Golf Team"

To My Brother and his Family - Easter 2005

Howdy Murdock’s,
The commercialization of yet another great and valued celebration, overshadows the true and pure reason we hold Easter dear to our hearts. The first true long weekend authorized and condoned by our government. As we take time to reflect, we should not forget the greatest sacrifice of all, overtime work by dear chocolate makers.

Anyone notice that white-chocolate bunnies are somewhat outnumbered by the bunnies of colour. And why eggs? I think I’d be more impressed with Easter watermelons. That last comment has nothing has nothing to do with the bunnies of colour, just size... of eggs, I mean!!! But then again, eggs lead to chicken, and chocolate chickens is just weird, and not my idea.

Has anyone ever seen a chocolate Jesus? I figure, it’s his party. The least we could do is make a chocolate Jesus. A big one. A big, chocolate, Jesus. They probably wouldn’t sell very well, especially in the south, like in Georgia or Alabama. Not because of local chocolate intolerance. I was thinking about the general lack of good oral hygiene, or, more bluntly, the general lack of actual teeth. And you would probably never get a redneck to suck on a big chocolate Jesus. A chocolate pig, maybe. A chocolate Ned Beaty, definitely! Jesus . . . and Deliverance? And watch out this long weekend. Don’t ever take a canoe trip, during Easter, anywhere in the southern US where banjos are legal.

Anyway, hope you all have a great Easter! Eat lots of chocolate, and other stuff, such as ham and chocolate, with potatoes and chocolate. And eat leafy green salad, in honour of bunnies everywhere.

We must remember Jesus’ words as he was fastened to the cross. “Hey, Hey, Hey! Those are nails! Stop that! Ow! That really hurts! Stop! I don’t have my tetanus shots up to date!
Crap! You missed, you stupid,stupid, Roman goon. I think you broke my hand! You broke my frigging hand! Wait til’ my Dad hears about this!

Okay! Okay! Tell you what. I’ll give back the fish and bread! And... I’ll admit, I wasn’t so much walking on water, as it was skiing behind the boat. Would you believe it was winter, and it was really just a shallow little fish pond? You see, I had all this wine and well, you know what they say,"what do you do with the drunken sailors?", right? I was having fun with them.
C’mon pal. I’ll get you into Heaven free!
How about a nice goat? I have a cousin, John, and he has this herd of goats! A nice herd! He’ll even wash one up for you, maybe put a frilly little dress on it, a little rouge . . . Ow! Jesus! Christ, I just took my own name in vain!
Remember, do as I say not as I do!
Look. I’m sorry. I always mix up Romans and Greeks. I didn’t mean anything with the goat! Will you stop with the nails already?!
If I ever get out this thing, there will be Hell to pay!”

Dennis O:-) Offender of the Gods
Melody, Tolerator of the Dennis
Drew Son of Dad
Kawai Nikkou (Japanese for "Amanda Elena") Murdock
Sarah Power Player
Bluey the Beta fish The One Finned Wonder Fish

Responding to an Invite:

Tiffany wrote:

Are you coming for Easter dinner on the Saturday before Easter Sunday(don't know the date)? RSVP's required. ha ha.

Tiff

-Answer-

Yes Please!!!! Will there be bunnies?

Dennis et All