Signs The Doctor Giving You a Flu Shot is a Quack

• Places a tourniquet around your neck so he can "raise a good vein."
• Tries to inject vaccine using a tattoo needle. Realizing his error, he offers you a belly button piercing at half-price. 
• He rolls up your sleeve—and pulls down your pants. 
• Asks if you are allergic to eggs or deep, sensual, massages. 
• Insists on hooking up defibrillator before proceeding 
• Takes a selfie while the needle is in your arm. 
• Offers you a propofol drip before giving you the flu shot. 
• Sticks you with the needle and surprisingly remarks "Whoa! Your arm has a real bone in it!" 
• Sterilizes your arm by taking a swig of vodka and licking your shoulder clean. 
• Insists you wear a shower cap, sit behind a curtain, and call him "Mother!" 
• Lays a pistol on the desk and says "Just in case something goes horribly wrong." 
• Has difficulty pronouncing your name without slurring and giggling. 
• Instead of warning, "You're gonna feel a little prick," he asks you to reach into his pocket and check for loose change.