A Tale of Two Bell Customer Service Reps

As a gift for a relative, our family have been paying for an added service for their Bell phone line. Our relative has since moved and no longer needs that service.

Tale of Customer Service Rep #1

So my Wife calls Bell and....

Melody: We overpaid on this account to eliminate teeny tiny invoices every month, and that line service is no longer needed, we would like our money back.
Bell: Is that your phone line?
Melody: No, but the billing is under our name for that service.
Bell: That's impossible!You can't do that! It's not your line!
Melody: Yes, we have! And yes, you send us the bill to our address. Would you like the info of the statement?, and of course, they did.
Bell: I can't let you do that. Let me get my supervisor!" 

Hmph! A dweebie Bell customer service representative. How odd!
While Melody was waiting for the "Super-visor"...

• Elevator music 
• Bell Ad 
• Platitudes regarding how important our business is to them
• Big brother message about the call being monitored for QC 
• Rinse and repeat......

Supervisor: I'm sorry. You do not own this number and we cannot therefore authorize a credit.
Melody: The statement is in our name and you sent it to us.
Supervisor: I'm sorry. That must have been a mistake. I cannot authorize any action on the account unless it is from the owner of the number.

A series of but-buts ensue that carry on for a bit... but, to no avail. Unfortunately she was unable to get the name of the supervisor. The old quick disconnect trick.

Total time spent on phone with Bell- 30Min (approx.)

Tale of Customer Service Rep #2

I get home to hear my flustered wife's story. So I take a run at them too.

Dennis: Hi. I need a refund for a canceled service.
Bell: What is your account number from the invoice?
Dennis: Yada yada yada info.
Bell: Just a moment.

• Elevator mus... He's back!

Bell: Thank you for your patience! I need a few more minutes to calculate any outstanding charges so we can issue the balance as a refund.
Dennis: Go for it!

• Elevator music
• Bell Ad
• Platitudes regard.... He's Back!!

Bell: Would you like that credited to your home phone line account, or would you like us to issue a cheque?
Dennis: Whatever is fastest, and simplest.
Bell: Why don't I send you one last bill for the M-T-D (Month to Date) charges and send you a cheque for what we show as a credit balance as of the last statement on record.
Dennis: Sounds wonderful!
Bell: I still have a few details to clear. Would you like to hold or would you like me to call you back?
Dennis: Call me back! But, could I get your name first, just in case something goes wrong.
Bell: I'll give you my employee number. xxxxxxxx. Thank you for your patience!
Dennis: OK! I'll wait for your call.

• Hang up.  Two minutes later!

Bell: Hi. It's all taken care of. However, I must tell you that it may take 4 to 6 weeks before you get the cheque.
Dennis: That's ok! Funny, though! Bell wants me to pay my bill within 25 days of the statement date, yet, they take 4 to 6 weeks to send me my own money.
Bell: I apologize for that. I'm not sure there is much I can do about it.
Dennis: Sorry. I was just pointing out the difference.

Wow! That was great! I decide not to count my money before the cheque arrives.

Total time spent on phone with Bell - 12 Min (approx.)

So, how did this end?

Two weeks later we receive our cheque.

I guess it does depend on who you talk to when you want good service.

It's just the luck of the draw when you do get good service.

Too bad!

 

Bell Telephone Service - ☆ Codes I'd Find Handy

• PRESS *101 -Slaps, HARD, the head of the person on the other end of the line.

• PRESS *273 -Activates Lie Detector. If the other person should tell a fib while talking to you, an appropriate message when indicate to the lying bastard that they have been busted.
  
  
  
  

  Human Voice Clip Male Fifty Year Old Exclamation Liar Liar Pants On Fire sound bite  Human sound bites

  
  
  
  
  
  
  

• Press *744 – This the number for the Misinformation Operator. When you ask for a telephone number for a person, the operator will pick randomly a number from a previously generated list. This service is said to be 25% more accurate than regular 411 operator.

• Press *364 – Will taser person at the other end. Handy for those unsolicited telemarketer calls.

• Press *0-0 – Press the code and then hold up the handset to your eyes in a fashion of binoculars. This feature allows to see caller in their undies... or better.

• Press *942 – “The Inclement Weather Channel”. Allows you to experience all bad weather without leaving the house. Note- Bell is not responsible for water or hail damage.

• Press *672 – “Randomized Death Ray”. It will only fire if the caller says something stupid, tries to sell you something, asks for donations, or uses the phrase “It costs you absolutely nothing to try!”

• Press ***8 – Will tell you your service technician's current location. Transmitters are located throughout the region at all fast food outlets and adult novelty shops.

• Press *000 – Handy if you answer the phone and it's someone you don't want to talk to. You will have a choice of the following background voice and sound emulations. 
• 1. Your mother calling out for help. The emulation will shout out “I've fallen off the toilet and can't get up.” 
• 2. You, being arrested in a major drug bust. 
• 3. Supper call complete if a playing of a triangle and a hearty “Come and get it!”! 
• 4. Escalating buzzing and static sounds. 
• 5. Bell interrupting your call to tell you that your service is being terminated immediately for non-payment of phone bill. 
• 6. “GET THE FUCK OFF THE PHONE! NOW, ASS-HOLE!!!” in voice of the Terminator, and 
• 7. Skip-A-Word where every second or third word of your side of the conversation is dropped.

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