If Jesus Had a Pizza Restaurant...

☺What name could he chose. Look at the success of St. Hubert, patron saint of chicken and dipping sauce. Certainly there would room in the marketplace for a little competition. Besides, if JC plans it right he could offer to save you more than money!
Here's a few names I come up with, but none of these sounds right. What do you think?

☼ "Jesus' Pizza" ☼ "God's Grub" ☼ "Christ, That's Good" ☼ "Lord's Fixings" ☼ 

☼ "House of God - Pizza & Wings" ☼ "Holy Pizza!" ☼

☺Menu items might look like this if he was to take advantage of his celebrity. I don't think there are stories regarding his prowess in the kitchen. I really think he was a BBQ kind of guy. On Sundays he makes his special Lazarus Bread, get there early enough you can watch it rise up.

We use unleavened dough in all our pizzas!
Gentile menu available!

☼ The Chosen Peoples Pizza - Made with smoked meat, deviled eggs, gefilte fish, pastrami,  with goat cheese fresh from the goat.
☼ Lucifer's Punishment 

         - EXTRA Flaming Hot Angel Wings!
☼ Gabriel Lite Archangel Wings 

          - with Special Anointing Sauce.
☼ Rack of Lamb of God.
☼ Juicy Speared Ribs
☼ Angel hair pasta -made from the hair of real angels.

Dipping Sauces                                                                

☼ BBQ ☼ Hot ☼ Christ that's really Hot  ☼  

☼  Hot as Hell ☼ God damn it to HELL HOT!!!! ☼
☼ Apocalyptic ☼

Sides

☼ Caesar Salad with Real Bits of Caesar ☼
 ☼ Garden of Eden Green Salad ** apple free ☼
☼ Holy garlic bread ** gothes must show ID ☼
☼ All you can eat Manna ☼

   Desserts                                                

  All are fat and sin free!                                   

☼ Hot crossed buns ☼ Devils food cake ☼ Angels Food Cake ☼                                                          

 

      Drinks                                                          

☼ JC's Wine Eternal - JC's own special label. Just keep adding water to the bottle. ☼

                                ☼ Free holy water ☼ Pontius Pilot Punch ☼

☺You Might Overhear...

• “Is that pick-up or would you like it delivered onto thee?”
• “Would you like wine with that? No. You say that last bottle was a tad watery."
• "Yes. Delivery is 30 Minutes or salvation is free.”
• “Yep! We do kosher.”
• “I'm deeply sorry for that. I'll double the garlic bread and say 3 Hail Marys.
• 'I'll let my son talk to you. Jesus! Jesus Christ, will you get up to the front right now!

☺Health and safety could be a concern!

• Does Jesus wear a hair net? And a beard net?
• Hires and underpays minorities such as Samaritans and Lepers.
• Signs are not multilingual. Should have French, English, Arabic, Hebrew, and Aramaic.
• Health violations - frogs, blood in water, lice, flies, sick donkeys, boils, sick donkeys with boils, locust, serpents, poor lighting, demons, Roman soldiers...

☺Testimonials...

• "Jesus pizza is a wise choice for all your party needs!"  ~ King Salomon

• "Pizza that's, unfortunately, good for your soul!"  ~ Lucifer

• "If I knew it was this good, I never had quit the group or turned him in!"  ~ Judas Iscariot

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