Treating a Case of Cross-Specis Baldness

A concerned friend asked me about treating a case of cross-species baldness of a Wombat.

1. It a sad day when a wombat is so distressed that it loses it hair, grows long sharp claws, and rips out the throat of a veterinary assistant.
2. Why did she ask me?No. Really! Why me?

Anyhooo, after delving into research on veterinary medicine for what seemed minutes, I believe I have found something that just might work!

The fix is to use is Kraft Vegemite. Made from yeast extract (by-product of BEER making) it can be used as a bread spread, a dip, a industrial lubricant, protection from solar flares, elephant repellent, Wallaby bait, and hair restoration for distressed Wombats.

IMPORTANT - Use a directed.

Side effects include: Psychosis, visual and tactile hallucinations, may cause Jerkins Glycemia (a condition where the eyelids, nose and lips slowly slide off ones face), numbing of brain tissue, belly-button inversion, naughty shedding of garments on web cams, licorice addiction, and toaster speed racing.

I hope this helps. Feel free to ask questions regarding anything! I will be glad to research as much inappropriate information that I can find in five minutes or less. I am professional if I'm anything.

Dennis
MD (Me Dennis)
FKIA (F@#king Know It All)